"Honesty Hour" Revisited

Fellow Readers,

Hello again. I hope everyone is doing well. For most of you (assuming most of you are college students, no reason, just assuming), school has started back and is running strong. It is about that time for tests to start rolling in. For that, I say, "Good luck." I also say, "Thank you," because you have taken the time away from your studies to take a little glance at my blog here. Thank you, as well, to everyone else who is taking the time to detach from your busy day to read my post. It really does mean a lot for all of you guys to support me like that. So, thanks again alls yous guys (my feeble attempt at some obscure, northernish accent, maybe that of a Michagonian? I doubt that is what they call themselves...). For any of you who care-also, any of you who do not care, because let's face the facts here: my blog, you are reading it, you must read what I put down, hence no control on your part other than not reading, please stay on board, don't leave, I will not put anything too uninteresting in here, I am really just rambling at this point to extend what I am calling, "the world's longest interjection of a sentence set off by hyphens," okay, I will continue, no more of this, I promise, at least for this sentence-so far, my semester is starting off pretty strongly. The workload in my classes is pretty minimal so far. Tonight, was the first time I have worked all semester, so I have had a lot of free time on my hands-which has its pros and cons (no further elaboration, you will just have to determine for yourself how not working can have its pros and cons). In that free time, I often go and work out with a good friend of mine. It has been good so far; we just started an actual regimen outside of just our usual cardiovascular workout. Needless to say, we are both pretty sore. But, it is going to pay off in dividends in a little while. Also, in a few hours I will be headed off to North Carolina with a few friends for a day of skiing. I know, I am up pretty late considering we are leaving Cooke-vegas at 4:45 in the A-M, but I am just not tired. It will be my first adventure at skiing, so hopefully I do not just fall all day. Wish me luck! That pretty much catches you all up on what has gone down this semester so far: just hanging out with friends, going to class (on most days...), not working too much, working out a little bit, pretty much just the usual.

Now, we shall move onto the "revisitaion" of my previous post. I last left off in a pretty darkish time. A quick synopsis: I demeaned women, lacked some spiritual food, was going through the motions, sucked. Yep, that pretty much sums that up well. "Andrew, how have you used that last post a.k.a. confession to move forward?" I am glad you asked that question. Quickly, "thank you," again, is in order for all of you who offered words of encouragement, prayers, or both, for me. It was really humbling to see others sharing in my struggles. I have to be honest, it did take a while for me to do anything with that last post. I spent the entirety of my Christmas break not changing anything in my life. It actually somewhat worsened, since I was not going to RUF anymore while we were out of school. That pretty much guaranteed I was not getting fed spiritually. However, right before school started back up, coinciding with the loads of effervescent people making New Year's Resolutions, I decided it was time to stop wallowing in my own self-pity and start to work on me. The first step-stop doing things for me. What? Working on me by not doing things for me? That was a hard concept to follow, but, it was simple: The reason I was wallowing, was because I was selfish and was tied to my own desires. The solution was to attempt to tie myself to the Lord's desires. So, I embarked on, what the Christian radio stations are calling, a New Year's Revolution. Unlike the radio stations suggest, I was not just choosing to listen to only Christian music for 30 days, but instead, recommitting myself to the Lord. My first step was to repent of my sin. The most important part of that step was to consciously accept that what Jesus did on the cross was ENOUGH. I did not have to feel terrible about all of the crap I did, because He paid the ultimate price so that I may be clean. What I have realized more recently, as recent as today actually, is when I wallow in my sin, feeling depressed, afraid to even pray because I know I have disappointed Him, I actually am saying I do not think what You did was enough, I do not trust Your grace atones. That is crazy! Why would I be hiding my face from Him, when I should be running towards Him crying out to Him to take charge in my life?! Now, I have to take the time here to add in that realization does not mean that I or anyone else should just freely sin and have no care about it, because we are covered. That is not what I am saying at all. However, we do not have to sink into a depression about it either, but repent and rejoice in the fact that His grace is strong enough to wash us clean. The second step of my revolution was to get fed. Not food fed, although that is also important, but, spiritually fed. I needed to get into His word. This took a little time to get into, but I can now say that I am striving to stay in the word and really study it, not just read it. I am currently working through Acts, 1 John, and Romans. Those all are part of various Bible studies I am participating in. Being in the word is already paying off. Through His word, He is shining His light on all the dark and filth in my heart, and I am beginning to look at everything I do differently. I am starting to realize more sin in my life and things I need to work on that I never used to think about. One important thing He is showing me is I do not just need to focus on the "Do Not's" checklist, but I also need to spend time on the "Do's" checklist. What I mean is:  I do not only need to think about what I should not do or act like (i.e. sin), but I need to also focus on what He has called us to do (i.e. evangelize and just love each other). I often find myself mentally going through the "Do Not's" checklist throughout the day, but never considering that "Do's" checklist. What would our days look like when we started focusing on the do's as well? It is pretty encouraging to think about. The final step in my revolution is to become active, not just go through the motions. I need to be a seller too, not just a consumer. I often find myself riding shotgun in my spiritual life, rather than grabbing the wheel and pressing on the gas. "Andrew, please stop the metaphors and tell us what you mean." Okay, okay. Hold your horses. I will "flesh that out." (I love you Jeff.) What I am trying to say here is this:  For me, I spent a lot of the last six months or so just living passively in the religious world. I went to RUF, listened to the message (sometimes), but never applied it to my life. I heard messages either through friends, various social media outlets, or Christian radio (remember, I was not reading my Bible), but I never would "pick it up, and run with it." The change has to be active. When I read His word, I need to take the time to think why He is revealing it to me at this time, and how it applies to my spiritual growth and life. If I do that, I allow His truth to change my heart and show me how to walk-the-walk. All I can do now is stick to the plan, and allow Him to overflow my heart. I have a lot of room to grow.

This post was in no way an attempt to boast. I still struggle with many of the same things I struggled with stated in my last post. Thankfully, I now know I do not have to shame myself and hide from the Lord. His grace is way more than enough, and way more than I deserve. For that, I give Him praise and just say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I hope this post can be encouraging to you all and if any of you want to talk about anything, you are always free to hit me up on that Facebook (or Twitter I suppose, it is just so hard with 140 characters, and no one ever uses DM do they? Let's be real.). Seriously though, I totally would love to talk with anyone about any of this kind of stuff, or anything else. Thank you all so much for reading.

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father-Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." -1 John 2:1-2

Signing off.